Meanwhile, my evil housemate- let's call her Cruella- was casually hooking up with Axel's Scottish housemate, Jack. Well actually, they only hooked up a few times in September. It ended abruptly when she became obsessive. Quick example, she saw Jack making out with someone at a club, so she proceeded to ball her eyes out in front of him, punch a telephone poll, and wait outside his locked house for him to come home. Tip: do not make a scene and follow around your casual hookup. It creeps people out, and you will never live it down.
So Jack and Axel live together, and they are best friends. In fact, we only know them through their housemates, our guy friends, two of which subletted their rooms to foreign exchange students this year. It's the "social house" of our group of friends so we're all there all the time.
Now for Cruella and I. She used to be my best friend, briefly last year. Then I found out she was psychotic, malicious, jealous and insecure. Confronting her turned out to be the worst decision I had ever made- she went out of her way to make my life a living hell. Now, I let our relationship run on her terms. I know she's awful, but I've been living with her for so long that I'm at an equilibrium between caring about her and having no loyalty to her. She's been crazy for Jack all semester, so she uses me as a buffer to hang out with the guys more. I don't quite understand it, but as long as I'm useful to her, she's quite good to me. So I've been humouring her crazy, dead-end Jack obsession for five months.
Axel and my's thing, whatever it was, finally ended a few weeks ago. Remember I told you I was bummed so I hooked up with Tal on the friday before the holidays? It was because of Axel. On the Thursday night prior, Cruella, myself and the guys all went out.
I was #KillinIt. I wore a cute black dress and knee socks. It would have been no problem seducing Axel. Sometimes he needs seducing. (Aside: It's not my usual wheeling style but Axel is such a strange case that I had to make exceptions. Do not practice these techniques at home. Guys should not need seducing. He should be counting his lucky stars if he has the honour of getting with you.) And we had both agreed that we would see each other on Thursday. It would have been no problem, if I didn't get so drunk. At 1am, we head to the club, and the bouncers would not let me in.
Jack has been really good to me since we first met in September. Jack offered to walk me home.
Over the last month, we had been getting closer, and he would always talk to me about Axel problems.
Black out.
I wake up disoriented.
Sweet, I'm in Axel's room.
Wait.
I'm fully clothed. And Axel is not here. Omg. I slept here without him...
I check my phone. Lots of messages from Cruella:
dude have fucking fun
super not chill at all
Jack walking me home. Man, she is cray.
So I left Jack's room, and I kind of got angry, mostly out of embarrassment, and made Axel talk to me. He was just coming out of the shower now so he was in no mood, but we talked. He didn't say much. It was mostly me talking. The conversation can be summed up in this short dialogue:
Why are you like that? We are at least friends. You could be nice.
I'm sour, because I don't want to give you the wrong idea.
I left upset. Jack texted me asking how it went. I told him, not ideal. I was hurt. This is someone I genuinely liked. It felt like a mini breakup.
...
Fast forward: We are back from the holidays. Axel has been sick, so he's been staying in, and I've yet to see him. We went out on Tuesday night. When Jack and I were alone for a minute, I asked him if I did anything stupid that time I blacked out. He said, kind of. He said him and I made out. I was in shock. I kept asking questions. It turns out we made out outside the house. Then we came inside. So how did I end up in Axel's bed?
I felt so awful for Axel, so I sent you there. I didn't know what was going on with you and him.
But you do now?
What?
Nothing.
And he kissed me. But really kissed me with his hand firmly placed on the back of my head. We heard voices so we broke apart.
Yesterday we all went out again. Once I found out that Jack and I kissed, I saw him completely differently. To be honest, it makes a lot of sense.
We all went out again yesterday. Jack and I flirt a bit, but mostly try not to talk too much. It's hard to read him, and me I suppose, since we're both trying our hardest to pretend nothing is there. He can't let Axel find out (guilt), and I can't let Cruella find out (fear for my life), so it's 100% confidential.
We hung out at their house until pretty late. Only two of the Scottish guys remained, when Jack and I went upstairs. I suppose we took a risk there. We went to Jack's room. I figured we were going to talk about our last kiss. Maybe he'd say something about how it was dumb, and one time thing. I started talking along those lines, but as soon as the door shut behind us, he kissed me. Then he really kissed me. Then he fingered me. And next thing I know we're having sex. Really good sex, to be honest. Unexpected and scandalous and amazing sex.
Afterwards, we cuddled for a minute. He was guilt-ridden. He was talking about Axel. Then he looked at me and said, But I can't help myself. And kissed me again. I left his place at 4 am.
If anyone finds out, we're both screwed. I have no idea if that was a one time thing. I know it should be, but I just don't know what we're thinking. I can't ever sleep there, and he can't sleep here. I can't ever hold his hand in public or dance with him or anything anymore. And Cruella's been suspicious for a while already. Now I realize it was for good reason. Realistically, there will be very few opportunities for him and I. Meanwhile, I have to listen to Cruella go on for hours about how he said hi to her last night so maybe, just maybe, he likes her now. Move on, girl. *face palm*.
Ps. Still crazy about Ginger. I think about him always, even though I'm trying not to <3
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