If the universe has ever given me a sign, it had to have been last night.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry over the irony. This honestly couldn't get more ridiculous if I had made it up.
So last night was Friday December 19th, 2014. That's two weeks and one day since my abortion, and exactly two years since I had sex for the first time with someone other than my ex-boyfriend.
Let's start there. It's December 19th, 2012. I had just written my last exam, officially putting an end to the fall semester of second year university. It was statistics for biologists. God, that was a helluva course. The line up to see the professor during office hours was so long that it went down the hall, and half the people never got to see him at all. You'd think professors would figure out they're not doing a good job when their students are unanimously confused. They don't though. Not usually.
Anyway, I was newly single. Well, it had been four months. We had broken up right before frosh week. My ex took my virginity, and he was the only person I had ever been with. In fact, I was with him for years before we had sex. Sex meant a lot to me. I wasn't about to have sex with anyone I didn't love, so I was eager to see my ex over the holidays. I knew we were going to hook up when we got back home from college. I just knew it. And after abstaining for four months, I could not wait. I straightened my hair, and shaved, and whatever other maintenance in anticipation of that next day.
But in the meantime, it's 9PM, and I need to go out to celebrate the end of exams. I had been texting this one guy all semester. We met at a party during frosh week. He only had eyes for me, which made me laugh because when he finally saw me, he really saw me. Let's call him Tal. He's the douchebag type for sure. He had blonde hair, bug eyes and one of those valley guy voices- the kind that suggests that he's athletic and cool and he always has been. And he is mad athletic, and get this, he is a cheerleader. So he does backflips, and carries girls that do backflips, and all that only adds to the cockiness that is Tal. I first saw him in lab class in 1st year university. I had a boyfriend though, and moderate depression, so I was invisible (because boyfriend + depression = not your most attractive). He's not conventionally handsome or anything, but he has a hot-douchey look, and I hated him. Or perhaps I just hated that he always looked past me.
That night, we decided to meet up at a party. But of course, I got way too drunk, and I blacked out by 10pm. I woke up in the morning in Tal's bed. We kissed, talked and cuddled. We started talking about sex or something when I mentioned that I had never been on top before.
"Well, you have now. 3 times last night."
"Hm?"
"You were on top last night."
"What?"
"When we had sex last night."
"We didn't have sex last night."
"Yes, we did. After the shower."
I feel my hair. It's not straight. It's fallen into medium sized ringlets. We had showered last night. Fuck.
"We couldn't have had sex. I'm on my period." But I can't feel the tampon. "Where is my tampon?"
"I don't know. Maybe it fell somewhere. You're on birth control right?"
"No."
"Fuck."
Cue tears from a very innocent, confused and heartbroken 19 year old girl.
So we had sex. I had sex with someone other than my ex-boyfriend. And I was going to see my ex later that day. I was heartbroken. Who am I? How could this happen? What is happening to me? My tampon was gone. We did not use a condom. It was all too much.
Tal and I walked over to Shopper's Drug Mart. He bought me Plan B, and I took it when I got home. Then my housemate, Spencer, and I went to the hospital. Spencer has been one of my best friends since first year university. Her room was right beside mine in first year. She was my very first friend. She's a beautiful Chinese girl with an eye for fashion. She's kinda youtube famous for it. So we go to the hospital, and they removed my tampon from somewhere within me. Then I left my college campus to go home for the holidays. Of course, I liked Tal after this incident, but he kind of let us fade away after the holidays.
That incident changed me. I would no longer need to be in love to have sex. I do what I want to do. Or, more accurately, I do who I want to do.
Fast-forward exactly two years. It's December 19th, 2014. I had just gone in for my abortion check-up the day before. The nurse was great.
"So we checked the tissue, and everything came back to normal. You're also negative for chlamydia and gonorrhoea. Everything looks great on our end."
"Awesome!"
"How have you been? How has the recovery been- emotionally, physically?"
"Well, I was severely depressed during the pregnancy, but the recovery went really well. I'm just happy to be feeling normal again. I had some light spotting then heavier bleeding then spotting and all that ended yesterday."
"Great, that all sounds normal. Is there anything you'd like to discuss?"
"Can I have sex now?"
She laughs. "Yes, you can have sex now."
Good. I had sex two hours ago. Oh, with tinder-fella Phil. You know him. I'll tell you about that later.
The nurse leaves, and the doctor comes in. She insists that I stop using condoms, and start using a new birth control method. Dear reader, condoms are 80-85% effective. This 97% bullshit does not take in the very real possibility of the condom breaking. I've used condoms my whole life though, and only had a problem that one time, so I was not feeling the urgency of the doctor. I asked her for IUD prescriptions, and I planned on looking more into it.
So I told my other best friend Kate about my last two weeks (sorry, still have to catch you up), and her response was, "Get the IUD ASAP. As in today." And I should have.
I ended up seeing Tal at 2am that night. He has been trying to hook up with me again since third year. I have not been down, but I woke up that morning hurt and slightly drunk (because of my Australian guy Axel- he'll be in a future SoC), and Tal was the only person who hadn't gone home for the holidays yet. We made plans to hang out later, and I regretted it as soon as he came over. We put on the movie Hitch. He waits about 5 seconds before he kissed me. He tasted like alcohol and food. It was tolerable, I guess. I put away my laptop. He started feeling me up, and taking off my clothes. He played with my boobs, which you know drives me crazy. I have DDs. They're as perfect as natural DDs can be, if I'm being honest. Guys love them. The hook up gets heated, and next thing I know, he's putting on a condom. First I'm on top. God that was good. I finished in that position, actually. He kept saying, "you're so goddamn sexy." He's always thought that. And "you feel so good." Then missionary. He finishes eventually. Falls to my side. Looks down at his penis.
"Omg where is the condom? No. No. No No No No No."
I was just silent.
Turns out the condom broke. Slit right down the middle.
I told him it was fine. It is what it is, and there's nothing we can do. He appreciated how "chill" I am. I am not chill. I'm freaking out, and I'm fcking paranoid. But we did all that we could do. It was 3 am at this point. He left my house at 8am, right when the store opens, and came back at 8:30 am with Plan B. I took it. I took it for the second time with the same guy, on the same date, two years later. And the odds that the condom would break again right after the abortion are so tiny. But the doctor was right. I need that damn IUD.
I know the pill is going to work. It's very effective. I'm already spotting and feeling like dizzy/weak shit. But to be honest, it has to work. I can't go through that again. Being pregnant. I'm honestly afraid I would hurt myself, because I really can't go through any of it again. Needless to say, I'm getting an IUD as soon as I can.
Fcking Tal. I've taken plan B twice in my life (both times on a Dec.20th), and I've had sex with Tal twice in my life (both times on a Dec.19th). If signs exist, this one could not be more clear.
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