Stream of Consciousness

Welcome to the controversial life of a female player. These are my confidential confessions.

This blog is a stream of consciousness. Once my hands hit the keyboard, they do not stop typing until I am done writing. So if I get distracted, I will include those distracting thoughts or end the post abruptly.

Given its nature, I will not correct any typos I find later.

Wednesday 11 March 2015

Prophecy: Heartbreak

Why am I so convinced he’s going to break my heart? I have no idea. But somehow the thoughts that I was going to fall in love with him and he was going to break my heart hit me at the same time right at the beginning. He’s currently in Dominican. I’m divided between hating him and loving him. It’s funny because I know where I actually stand. I love him. I miss him so much it hurts. And I can’t wait to have him back. Then I have the skeptical part, and that’s saying oh he’s being sketchy and it’s over. But honestly I don’t believe that part one bit. I honestly believe he didn’t respond to me b/c he’s busy, his signal is weak or he didn’t know I wanted a response. My messages were for his arrival so if he was opening them there, he might not have thought I expected messages back. Maybe he’s more patient than I am. Maybe he wants us to miss each other. Anyway, I don’t really believe he’s being sketchy. I did stop messaging him though.

Why do I love him? Isn’t he supposed to fall in love with me first? Ugh that reminds me. How did this happen to me? Where did he come from and why is this happening to me?

Why would he pursue me long distance when he doesn’t want a girlfriend, esp a long distance one? What is he thinking. He’s the one who liked me- he should have known better.  I didn’t think anything was coming of any of this- of course I took him up on his free meals and drinks.


What is happening to me. Is this love? This fucking sucks.  

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